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And so that morning too, she went down to the kitchen while bearing a loneliness that even by crying would not end. While thinking that when she becomes an adult she wants an explanation on, where this came from, and why it is possessing me.
泣くに泣けない
泣いても気持ちがおさまらないほど悔しいこと、あるいは、残念なこと。
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Somehow, until only just recently, the feeling she had of being unable to move in the oppressive unescapable like human relations of that narrow classroom is like a lie.
煮詰る
③ 時間が経過するばかりで、もうこれ以上新たな展開が望めない状態になる。 「 － ・った演奏」
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We thought about changing the itinerary but after all, we cancelled the trip itself.
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That the generalised so called "tenacity" component of the word "guts" was completely lacking within herself, was something that Mai had always privately recognised.
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"In this world there are demons swarming. Your consciousness becomes faint by meditating etc, furthermore they are always watching to take over weak willed people."
目を光らせる
不正が行われていないか、または欠陥が生じていないか、といった事柄に注意して見張ること。監視。
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If even though you yourself did not try to see, yet you see something or hear something then it's an extremely dangerous, and an unpleasant thing, and unacceptable for a first class witch.
ある‐まじき【有るまじき】の意味
［連語］《動詞「あり」の連体形＋打消し推量の助動詞「
まじ」の連体形。連体詞的に用いる》あってはならない。不都合である。とんでもない。「指導者に有るまじき振る舞い」
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"That is so. But it makes me feel somewhat anxious and rushed."
あせ・る【焦る】の意味
１ 早くしなければならないと思っていらだつ。気をもむ。落ち着きを失う。気がせく。「勝負を―・る」「―・ってしくじる」
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If I think about it now, there is certainly a memory where I heard the chickens causing a racket at midnight. But up till now that sort of thing occasionally happened, and also, I didn't think it was anything more than the chickens being half asleep, or maybe that a stray cat had passed by.
今にして＝（ 連語 ）今になって。 「 －思えばうかつだった」
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"But, wasn't that voice something that Mai wished to hear from her heart? If you cherish that seemingly mysterious experience each following experience becomes something that will influence you. But it is not something for you to be unnecessarily scared of. Because it means you are reacting to it. By simply raising your head high."
いっ‐けん【一見】の意味
３ （副詞的に用いて）ちょっと見たところ。「一見まじめそうな人」
ふり まわ・す －まはす ［4］［3］ 【振（り）回す】
③ 人を思うままに動かす。 「子供に－・される」 「にせ情報に－・される」
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"Well then, to a witch is it like practicing dying from while you are living?" "It is. In order to live life fully, it means something like to practice dying."
うち【内】＝
一定の時間・数・量の範囲内。以内。あいだ。
わけ＝
断定を幾分やわらげ、そういう事になるはずだという気持を添える言い方。
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Grandma, when she heard the voice she did not wish to hear from her heart, was saying she will immediately ignore it, but do I somehow want to hear a voice from my heart?
1. 「自分が心から聞きたいと願った声でない声が聞こえたときは」の『とき』は形式名詞（名詞化）ですね。
ということは、『とき』の前の部分に主語、述語、目的語、目的語を修飾する言葉があるはずです。それはどれでしょう。
主語 = 自分が「おばあちゃん」
述語 = 聞こえた
目的語 = 声
目的語を修飾する言葉 = 心から聞きたいと願った声でない

2. 時制に注意して英訳をしましょう。
3. 「心から聞きたいと思うことなんかあるのかしら」の『こと』は形式名詞ですね。ということは（１）と全く同じことが適応されます。
主語 = わたしが「まいちゃん」
述語 = 聞きたいと思う
目的語 = 声を
目的語を修飾する言葉 = 何かの
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And, while having these experiences many times, you can probably work out how it feels for the times when you have true intuition.
幾度となく
読み方：いくどとなく

幾度も、何度も、といった意味の表現。特に強調したい場合に使われる。
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But, the important thing, is not the fact that even if we investigate now it is impossible to recover, at this point, right now Mai's heart is becoming controlled by things like suspicion and hatred.
いま‐さら【今更】の意味
１ もっと早ければともかく、今となっては遅すぎる、という意を表す。今ごろになって。「今更何を言っているんだ」
ようもない
https://jn1et.com/youganai/
１．不可能であることを強調
２．「方法がない」という意味で、単に難しくてできないの意味ではない
×もうお腹がいっぱいだ。食べようがないよ
×日本語の新聞は読みようがない
つつある （復習）
①　動作・作用が継続して行われることを表す。現代語では「つつある」の形をとることが多い。 「目下調査し－あるいくつかの事件」 「あらたまの年の緒長く住まひ－いまししものを／万葉集 460」

「いま、現在まいの心が…」のところについて、
1. 『いま』はなぜ平仮名なのでしょうか。筆者の意図を考えてみてください。
2. 『いま』と『現在』の違いをどう英訳で表したら分かりやすいでしょうか？
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The sweet was, a custard cream wrapped in a fluffy sponge base, it was fairly tasty, but to Mai it was too light, sweet and the taste was not special.
じ〔ヂ〕【地】の意味
３ 物事の基礎。下地 (したじ) 。「地ができている」
それなりに
そこそこは。相応には。問題や不満がないわけではないが、ある程度の満足は得られている様子を表す。
捉えどころのない
ある物事の実体を理解し、把握することが困難であることを意味する表現。「捉えどころのない人」と言うと、「何を考えているのか分からない人」などを意味することが多い。
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Mai felt like papa and grandma were momentarily holding their breath, looking this way checking her reaction.
うかが・う
② 相手の反応を気にして様子をみる。 「親の顔色を－・う」 「上役の鼻息を－・う」 「寝息を－・う」
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If Shouko was to cut her nails, to the extent that it was thought that even that cut part of her nail is not anyone's apart from Shouko's, that individuality purely stood out.
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It did not mean she had also forgotten her witch's training. Even now Mai is endeavouring to quietly do everything as much as possible until completion for the things she has decided to do.
べく
実現の可能性のある事態を述べるのに用いる
https://oshiete.goo.ne.jp/qa/1103416.html

方（ほう）＝
３ 二つ以上あるもののうちの一つをとりあげてさす語。「黒い方が好きだ」「もっと味を濃くした方がいい」「こちらの方が悪かった」
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But, for even grandma, to treat Mai so crudely, mightn't it also be that "spilling out" of emotion that can not be stopped? Because even grandma, is a person before being a witch.
手荒＝
① 取り扱いの丁寧でないさま。粗略。 「本を－に扱う」
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Shouko like she didn't understand, held out the cracker she was just now about to put in her mouth.
まさ‐に【正に】の意味
２ 実現・継続の時点を強調するさま。ちょうど。あたかも。「彼は正に車から降りた瞬間、凶弾に倒れた」

ん と・する
（ 連語 ）
〔「むとす」の口語形〕
① まさに、そうなろうとしている。 「まさに天を衝か－・する意気込み」

い‐がい〔‐グワイ〕【意外】 の解説
名・形動］考えていた状態と非常に違っていること。また、そのさま。「事件は―な展開を見せた」「―に背が高い」
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Thing like "I'm happy to be able to help people", it's something you don't usually say. Because even if you say it, it only ruins the mood of everyone around you, and it will result in you being criticised for acting like an honours student.
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